Reconnecting with Family - Being Magazine

Reconnecting with Family

Written by Debbie Milam

Simple ways to reconnect and bring balance back into your family.

Over the past twenty years there has been an enormous shift in family dynamics. Gone are the days when Mom can prepare a healthy family meal every night of the week. Gone are the days of lazy Sundays with Dad. Gone are the days of unstructured time with friends. What is occurring in so many homes today is parents are working more hours; families are running from activity to activity; and our children’s homework and social lives dominate our existence. As a result of this frenetic pace many families are out of balance. Values are being replaced with schedules and families are stressed out.

When our lives are so busy we miss the teachable moments that occur during unstructured time. We the miss out on watching our children’s beautiful souls evolve. We miss out on instilling our values and heritage. So how can we as parents slow down our lives and reconnect with our kids?

Be proactive rather than reactive

When we are proactive our lives become balanced. When we are reactive our lives become chaos. Being proactive involves taking steps that will lead to more balance. Some ways to become more proactive are:

• Group errands and activities that are in close proximity to avoid unnecessary trips.

• Look at your family’s schedule and determine what activities are important and which ones can be eliminated.

• Become more organized.

• Develop a routine.

• Have clear behavioral expectations, boundaries and consequences.

Schedule Family Time Together

At least once a week have a family night. During this family night plan a special dinner that everyone can help cook together. Make it an event, have a BBQ or a pool party, invite their friends. Dr. Stephen Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families stresses the importance of the family meal. After dinner do something fun that will also foster communication, i.e. go bowling, ride bikes, drive to the beach, or watch a sunset together.

Family time can also revolve around doing chores. Schedule a day when each of you can participate. Invite their friends and pay them for extra chores that they complete. Doing chores together as a family is very empowering for children, especially teens. Chores help children learn responsibility, the power of task completion, and how to work together as a team. But perhaps the most important lesson that children learn from doing chores is that they are a contributing member of the household, that their presence has a purpose.

Finally, schedule family meetings to discuss behavioral expectations, boundaries and consequences. Family meetings are an excellent way to assure you have everyone’s full attention to address challenges in a non-emotional manner.

Think before you commit

Before committing to anything, for you or your children, take time to see if it is in the best interest of your family. When we volunteer for every event or place our children in activities that have enormous time commitments we put huge demands on our family. Before committing to anything simply say, "Give me some time to think about that and I’ll get back to you. " This allows you to truly make a decision that is in integrity with your values.

Connect even when you are busy

No matter what your schedule looks like make a conscious effort to connect with your children on a daily basis. Some practical strategies for doing this:

• Turn off the TV and the radio when you are together

• Use the time in the car to talk about their lives

• Get to know their friends and welcome them into your home

• Acknowledge their feelings

• Be there for them when they need you

• Truly listen when they are talking

• Share some of the obstacles you overcame at their age

• Tell them you love them everyday

Keeping the lives of our families in balance does require being proactive, reprioritizing, and scheduling. But the payoffs from this effort can be extraordinary. By reconnecting with our children we can be a part of helping them discover who they were meant to be. As Kahil Gibran said so eloquently in The Prophet," Our children are but ours for such a short time." Let us make this short time together a time of reconnection, growth and love.